


It began with small things

by cascade7



Category: GOT7
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-20 13:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4788977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cascade7/pseuds/cascade7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a run of the imagination in how Mark and Jackson might be adjusting to the enhanced got7 group dynamic which causes things to change between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of pure imagination and though based on reality, it is not.

It began with small things, like how Jackson sometimes chose to sit in the other car, or asked other guys to go out and eat, or even just wandering off backstage while waiting for filming to begin. Mark hadn’t noticed it at first but gradually, he found that he had more time… alone. 

Not that Mark didn’t like being alone. Goodness knows how often he had wished that he could have his own room. Jackson was a great guy, a close friend but seriously, sometimes, Mark just wished Jackson would shut up once in a while. Jackson had way too much energy and for the life of him, Mark couldn’t figure out how Jackson just kept going. All the extra filming Jackson had to do for other shows had taken its toll for a while cause it made Jackson tired but that didn’t change Jackson’s cheery nature. No matter how tired Jackson got, Jackson would make it a point to talk to Mark, asking him lots of questions, nag him about stuff sometimes (Mark tended to leave important stuff like his wallet lying around) and pester him about the lyrics they were writing together for their new album.  


Really, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that Jackson had never left Mark alone – which was why Mark now felt… strange.

It wasn’t that something had happened, at least Mark didn’t think so. Like just that morning, Mark had woken up to find that Jackson had already gone off to the company with one or two of the guys. Puzzled, Mark tried to recall what had happened the night before as he washed up and dressed to go to the company for dance practice. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? The usual grunts as their way of saying good night and then lights off. Jackson, as always, fell asleep within seconds. 

Really, Mark thought, Jackson could at least have said that he wanted to go to the company earlier. He’d willingly have gone with him. 

As it were, Mark was left to fend off the fangirls on his own. Biting down a sigh, Mark avoided eye contact and tried to side step the fans in order to get to the company entrance. If Jackson had been there, he’d at least be able to take some of the attention. Also, Mark realised as he finally got through the company door, Jackson often went ahead of Mark so all Mark had to do was follow the path Jackson forged through the crowd or walk behind him to prevent fans from getting too close.

Pushing off the hood of his favourite grey sweater, Mark made his way down to the basement where they were supposed to practice. When he opened the door, he was greeted with the usual hello’s but there was one voice missing – Jackson’s. Odd, Mark thought, Jackson ought to be here. It was also with slight surprise that Mark realised he had actually been looking out for that familiar broad-shouldered figure and snapback. Of course, none of these thoughts were visible on his face. He was known to be expressionless most of the time.

Mark dumped his backpack on the lone black couch in the corner of the studio and started warming up, wondering once in a while where Jackson was. Was he filming for something again?

Turns out Jackson had run an errand and arrived only just as their dance coach walked in. 

“Surprise!” yelled Jackson as he held two black convenience store plastic bags high in the air. “Drinks for you guys! On me!”

Bambam, Yugyeom and Youngjae swarmed to Jackson, eager to see what he had bought and soon, drinks were distributed among themselves. When Jackson handed Mark a can of iced coffee, Mark noted with pleasure that it was his favourite brand and his favourite flavour. “Thanks,” Mark murmured. That was the thing about Jackson. He usually remembered details like that very well.

“No problem, man,” Jackson replied with a grin but he turned away abruptly before Mark had a chance to respond to hand a drink over to their dance coach. 

Mark watched as Jackson began to talk and fool around with, surprise, surprise, a little resentment. What had Mark expected? Certainly more than three words – maybe an explanation of why Jackson had left so early that morning, perhaps. Jackson usually told him everything even without him asking but, Mark was now beginning to notice, he didn’t do that often anymore. 

Practice soon started and for the next few hours, the guys sweated it out as they practiced certain moves over and over again to get them sharp. It took constant full concentration and effort so by the end of it, they’re usually tired out. 

Among the shouts of ‘you’ve worked hard’, Mark made his way to the couch to get his backpack. He wanted to go back to the dorm, take a shower and facetime with his nieces. Just as he picked up his bag, Jackson slid over to get his own stuff.

“Let’s leave together,” Mark said. It was more of a statement than a request because they usually walked or skateboarded back to the dorm together anyways.

“Not today. Sorry,” replied Jackson, an apologetic smile on his lips before he grabbed his belongings and left hurriedly with one of the managers waiting by the door. 

Mark watched as Jackson’s figure vanished. Jinyoung, who happened to be nearby, noticed that Mark seemed to want an explanation for Jackson’s sudden disappearance. At least, that’s what Jinyoung interpreted from Mark’s ever so slight frown.

“He’s got to film an additional preview for Star King. It was a sudden request,” Jinyoung informed Mark before downing the last of his lemon honey tea that Jackson had gotten specifically for him, ‘to take care of his throat’, Jackson said. “Bleh,” Jinyoung commented with his face scrunched up, “it’s much better cold.”

“Mm,” was Mark’s reply. 

Jinyoung thought that Mark seemed a little put out. “I’ll walk back with you if you want. I’ve got to do something upstairs but it won’t take long,” Jinyoung offered.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Mark said, hefting his backpack on his shoulder. “See you at the dorm.” 

“Okay then, see you,” Jinyoung replied before leaving the studio himself. 

Turns out Mark was the only one going back to the dorm. Yugyeom was going to stay and practice some more, Youngjae was going to barricade himself in a music room, Bambam was going to film something with Jimin and JB and Jinyoung had errands to do. 

Repressing a sigh as he approached the company’s entrance because he’d have to fight his way through the crowd again, Mark found himself thinking of how easy it had been in the past to just walk to and fro from the company back to their dorm. Heck, he and Jackson could even chat as they walked – well, Jackson did most of the talking, Mark normally just listened. Man, things have changed. Taking a deep breath, he clenched his teeth, put on his sunglasses and braved the fangirls. 

***  
Mark checked the time on his mobile phone. 11pm. And still no sign of Jackson. 

Throughout the evening, Mark had mostly stayed in his room, playing with Coco while lying on his bunk bed. Observing the adorable white bundle of fur either resting or playing on his torso was one of the few things he truly delighted in at the moment. Yet, every time he heard the door to the dorm open, he pricked up his ears to discern whether or not there was a loud familiar voice accompanying it. Cause it just meant that Jackson was back. 

No such luck though. At dinner time, he’d come out when JB knocked on his door to tell him that their ordered dinner had arrived. Carrying Coco into the living room, where Youngjae gladly reached for his beloved daughter, Mark wondered whether or not to ask what Jackson was up to. The thing is, even if he asked, he doubted the others would know. Maybe Bambam though, Bambam might have an idea but did Mark want to go through the trouble of asking? 

Nah, Mark decided. He can just wait anyways. Jackson was sure to come back because he hadn’t packed an overnight bag or anything of the sort. 

Deciding that it was now fair for Youngjae to spend time cuddling Coco after dinner, Mark went back to his room and resumed his position on his bed with his Macbook open on his lap.

He was sure Jackson hadn’t packed an overnight bag. At least, his backpack had not seemed that big. But maybe, maybe the manager had come to pack stuff. Lifting his head off his pillow just enough to spy over the edge of his bed, Mark wondered if he should check if Jackson’s stuff had been taken. That thought was cut off, however, by once again another realisation – Mark had never bothered about stuff like this before. He had never been kept out of the loop regarding Jackson’s activities cause Jackson always talked about it whether or not Mark was in the mood to listen. But now – 

He heard the click of the dorm door and lo and behold, a loud voice rang out “I’m back!” 

Mark sat up and was about to go out but stopped himself. There wasn’t any reason to go out really. Jackson would come back to their room anyways. Besides, Mark was already ready to sleep. So he waited. Waited a little longer, and still a little more. What was keeping Jackson? He could hear voices still in the living room and frowned. One thing Jackson lacked was rest and yet, here he was, talking to the guys instead of getting some well-earned sleep. 

That’s it. He’d just have to drag Jackson back to their room and insist he go to bed. 

Just as Mark was about to swing one leg over the edge of the top bunk to get down, the door to their room opened. 

“Oh, hi Mark. Still up?” said Jackson as a greeting, barely even glancing at his roommate. He just dumped his stuff in a corner and grabbed a towel. 

“Yea-” Mark began to say but before even that short syllable left Mark’s lips, Jackson had left the room to shower. 

What was this? Mark flopped back down on his bed, the slight frown that had been on his face now a tad more prominent. What was going on? Something had changed, something intangible. But Mark had no idea what. 

Jackson was soon back and though Mark wanted to be the first one to speak, somehow he couldn’t think of what to say so Jackson, unperturbed, went about his nightly routine of getting ready for bed. 

Mark’s eyes watched Jackson as he pottered around the room, opening various drawers to get the things he needed, especially for his skincare. 

“Hey, Jackson,” said Mark after deciding that he’d just ask how Jackson’s day went. That was a harmless enough question.

“Sorry, Mark. Just a bit more then I’ll turn off the lights,” Jackson replied in a rush, slapping on some moisturiser and rubbing it roughly into his skin. “I know you’re tired,” continued Jackson, his voice a little muffled as he finished up. “There, done! I’ll turn off the lights,” said Jackson, jumping to his feet and with two steps skipped to where the light switch was. Flicking it off, he tumbled into bed with a sigh. 

All the time this was happening, Mark had been trying to get a word in – to tell Jackson there was no need to rush. To say that he really wasn’t that tired. To basically imply that he didn’t mind staying up longer. Instead, now the room was plunged into darkness and that niggling uncomfortable feeling Mark had hadn’t gone away. 

“Jack-” Mark tried again but Jackson, as it turns out, had chosen that very moment to speak too.

“Oh yea, Mark?” Jackson asked, obvious that he was trying to keep his voice down.

“Yea?” Mark replied, somewhat more interested than usual, perhaps even a tad hopeful. But for what? Mark didn’t know.

“I have to wake up at six. Going away,” said Jackson with a yawn, tossing to his side which cause the bunk bed to shake, “two days this time.”

“Oh, where to?” 

“Somewhere, I can’t re~mem~ber,” came Jackson’s reply that was accompanied by another yawn.

“Kay,” Mark said and after a pause, added “Night.”

“Night.” Soon enough Jackson’s breathing turned into slight snores while Mark was left awake. Usually, he’d fall asleep quite quickly after Jackson but this time, Mark was preoccupied with confused thoughts. Was Jackson changing? Something definitely wasn’t the same between them – but what was it? 

Mark had no idea what it was and damn it, it made him uneasy.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days later, the Got7 members were all milling about in a waiting room that also doubled up as their make-up and wardrobe station. The guys were all pretty excited for the Naver Starcast filming as it was the first schedule that kicked off their new promotion cycle. At least, six of them were. Jackson was nowhere to be found – again. Right after Jinyoung and Bambam had arrived from Gwangju where they had to film for M-Countdown, Jackson was whisked off for a small schedule in between. Though Jackson was supposed to co-MC the show, he had no choice but to leave and was currently being rushed back to the studio – at least, that’s what he had said in the Got7 group chat.

To fill in their time while waiting for recording to begin, each member had found or developed their own way of ‘milling about’. Jinyoung was, of course, engrossed in a book while JB usually rested or slept in a corner away from the noise. Yugyeom, if not fooling around with Bambam or teasing Jinyoung, could usually be found resting as well, probably tired out due to all the extra hours of dance practice and lessons that he put in. Youngjae would be listening to music, Bambam would be stalking twitter and what about Mark? It was either sleep or games. This time round, it was Clash of the Empires. He liked games that took time to develop rather than straight out 1 on 1 battles like King of Fighters. He just preferred puzzles. 

They had already been briefed when Jackson was there but now, some amendments had been made to the programme sequence while Jackson was absent. While Jackson was a natural at MC-ing, probably because of his spontaneous personality, he still had trouble reading the cue cards at times because he wasn’t as proficient in reading Korean yet. 

Mark, knowing all this, wanted to fill Jackson in on the last minute adjustments. He took special note of how Jackson’s cues and lines had changed just so he could pin point exactly what Jackson had to remember. Jackson had yet to arrive though, so Mark plugged in his earphones to make some progress in levelling up. He just needed a handful more points to get access to a new build. He turned the volume on quite loud, certain that when Jackson came there’d be such a fuss that he’s notice straightaway.

A little bit more, come on, --- and, YES! LEVEL UP! Mark grinned to himself and glanced round for an instant. To his surprise, he discovered that Jackson had actually arrived! Glad as he was to see Jackson, he felt a pang in his heart when he saw that Jinyoung was already coaching Jackson about the cue cards while the make-up artists fussed over getting Jackson ready for the show. 

Mark studied the blonde and dark-haired friends together for a moment as Jinyoung diligently went through the sequence with Jackson paying Jinyoung the utmost attention. 

Mark looked back down at his game that was awaiting his next move. Oh well, Jinyoung would certainly be able to tell Jackson what to do but, for some reason, some unexplainable reason, Mark had wanted to be the one to update Jackson. He’d even repeated the pointers in his head to simplify things. Looks like he took the effort for nothing – not that Jackson would ever know and Mark certainly wasn’t petty enough to actually tell him. 

Biting down a sigh, he continued his game though his enthusiasm at gaining a new level had utterly disappeared. He had thought that with active promotions coming up, Jackson would be around more and he had been looking forward to that. Jackson was certainly around but not around enough, at least, not around Mark enough. In fact, Mark had noticed that Jackson was fooling around more with Jinyoung these days. Jinyoung and Jackson had always been close but Mark… Mark wasn’t sure what he felt anymore. Biting his lip, he tried to forget it – it was frustrating to think about anyways.

After a while, a hand waved itself in front of his face, obscuring the screen of his iphone. He knew that hand immediately, recognising the shape of its fingers as well as the rings that adorned them. Odd how such a small gesture from Jackson asking for his attention made his mood lighter. 

He removed his earphones and looked up at Jackson standing right next to him. One thing Mark liked about his friendship with Jackson was that Jackson could often understand what he was thinking or wanted without him having to say anything. So, Jackson knew that by raising his eyebrows slightly, he meant ‘What is it?’ He never had to waste words with Jackson and it was only of late that he was beginning to realise how special that was.

“We’ve to take photos. It’s for Starcast. Pairs, then solo shots,” Jackson informed Mark before reaching out to tuck in a stray lock of Mark’s hair that had escaped the tons of hairspray they usually had on them. 

“’Kay,” Mark replied and got up, putting away his phone in the process. Mark followed Jackson’s lead through the maze of filming equipment and sets, stopping when someone called out to Jackson.

“Jackson!” 

“Right here! Coming!” Jackson replied and scampered to the set of his photoshoot. It was a one-seater chair so he sat down first. His partner would just sit on his lap – like in almost all photoshoots. Mark walked up to Jackson and was just about to do so when the photographer yelled for Jinyoung.

“Junior! We’re ready!”

“Yes, yes, coming! So sorry, terribly sorry,” said Jinyoung rushing on to the set, half bowing in apology for being late. Brushing past Mark, he plonked himself unceremoniously unto Jackson’s lap. 

Watching Mark’s reaction and growing confusion in his eyes, it was only then that Jackson realised his mistake and kicked himself for not having explained to Mark about the pairings. “You’re with Gyeommie, hyung,” Jackson told Mark, his big eyes slightly apologetic – not that it made any difference to the sudden bitter feeling Mark had. 

“Mark, your set is over there,” the photographer pointed. “Ready?” he asked Jackson and Jinyoung who were already shifting themselves around to get into a more comfortable position. 

Mark bowed his head to signal his apologies and hurried off to where Yugyeom was already waiting for him. As he got ready to smile for the camera, Mark tried to stop being disgruntled. The way Jackson had called him made him think that they were supposed to take the photos together. Not that Mark wanted to be with Jackson all the time. He’d be glad to partner anybody really but somehow, having been under the impression that they were supposed to shoot together brought about unexpected disappointment when it didn’t happen. 

To top it off, Mark could see Jackson and Jinyoung’s set out of the corner of his eye and though he tried to focus on his own shoot with Gyeom, the laughter and slight screams from the other set claimed his attention. Of course Jackson would try to cuddle Jinyoung, of course Jackson would crack silly jokes or pull faces to get Jinyoung to laugh. Of course Jackson would do all these things… It’s just, Mark wished as he wrinkled his nose and looked into the camera lens, he wished he and Jinyoung could swap places. 

***

“3, 2, 1 – ”

“Welcome to Naver Just Right Live Party!” cheered the Got7 members enthusiastically. Mark was sitting on the bed with Youngjae but to his right was Jackson who was sitting on the couch next to JB. Their sitting and standing arrangements as a group were usually determined for them so Mark was happy that he got to be next to Jackson this time round. It was an arrangement that didn’t happen often. 

As the show progressed, Mark noticed that Jackson was having trouble keeping track of the itinerary. Jackson kept flipping the cue cards back and forth to look for what he had to say and behind the smiles and laughter, Mark could tell that Jackson was getting frustrated. The last-minute changes were a bit too much and the members weren’t really helping either because they kept switching topics and going off-tandem. 

So Mark, having kept a mental note of everything earlier, subtly tried to help Jackson, flipping through the cards for him to look for the right page which left Jackson free to react to what the others were doing. 

The show went on, things were upbeat and fun, but Mark could tell that Jackson was inwardly beating himself up for having missed his cues and lines. With his background as an athlete, Mark knew that Jackson was used to being hard on himself – always wanting to do better, always wanting to break his own limits. Honestly, Mark thought it wasn’t all that healthy. True, a measure of it kept one from being complacent but constantly beating himself up for not having done better isn’t a good thing. 

When it was time to eat, Jackson didn’t touch the chicken or pizza because he was on diet. While the guys teased him for it, Mark kept silent because he knew how much Jackson actually liked to snack and how refusing to eat took a lot of will power. After their years as trainees and then as roommates, Mark knew Jackson had food cravings especially during the late hours of the night. It was his athletic metabolism, Mark guessed. Training as a fencer meant that Jackson needed a lot of food for energy everyday so he was used to that cycle. Now, Jackson spent most of his time sitting down as he travelled from one place to another. Plus, they only had a certain amount of dance practice to burn off the calories so the imbalance had caused Jackson to put on some weight.

The others might not have noticed but Jackson did seem a little down which was why Mark put his arm around Jackson to give him a shoulder hug, patting his shoulder in the process. He couldn’t say anything because the mics would pick it up. All he could do was to give Jackson small signals to say that things were fine.  
Finally, the show ended and with loud calls of “you’ve worked hard, thank you,” from the boys to the staff, they could call it a day. The moment they walked off the set, Jackson whipped off his dark green GOLF sweater to cool down a little and the headband that did nothing but add to the sweat.

“That hot, huh?” commented Mark as they gathered their own clothes to change out of their MV outfits. 

“Always, man, always. Me and heat, especially with those spotlights,” groaned Jackson, gladly accepting a towel from Mark to wipe off the sweat from his brow and neck.

Mark couldn’t help but grin. “You’ll survive,” he quipped as they changed in the same dressing room. It was normal for them, they were roommates. They just didn’t look or stare, that’s all. 

“You coming home tonight?” asked Mark as he tugged his shirt over his head. 

“Yeah, at last,” laughed Jackson, slipping his arms through his loose tank top. “It’s been ages, seems like. Like it’s always one thing or another, you know. Sometimes I go to sleep and forget where I am. It’s weird to wake up and realise that your top bunk isn’t there. Not that we always had the bunk bed. That was quite recent, wasn’t it? And it was my choice, you didn’t like it cause you said the colour was too dark.” 

Mark smiled a little to himself as Jackson rambled on and on, often just talking about whatever happened to cross his mind while they walked to their vans. And Mark didn’t mind at all. Not one bit. It was just like old times again, just like the days they used to spend together as trainees. The thing with Jackson was that whatever he talked about wasn’t boring, even if it were dull, Jackson somehow made it sound interesting so Mark never really grew tired of listening to him. Admittedly, there were times Mark had wanted him to stop but those moments were few and far between now – especially because Jackson was usually either too tired or not around at all. Having Jackson so chatty around him was something Mark had come to appreciate a whole lot more. 

They got to the two vans parked side by side, both doors open so that the guys could hop in. Mark walked to the further one and stood by the door. Jackson instinctively climbed into the back seat and Mark climbed in after him. Jackson continued the conversation for a bit but he soon dozed off, rocked to sleep by the motion of the car as it made its way back to their dorm. 

Mark studied Jackson’s face, illuminated once in a while by the passing streetlights. The makeup had all been removed so Mark could see the dark rings around Jackson’s eyes and the general weary look of his face. Seriously, Jackson was pushing himself too hard. All for the group. That was what made Mark’s heart hurt a bit. Because Jackson was giving so much and yet… 

Mark let him sleep, watching Jackson as he got lost in his thoughts. It was only when they arrived at the dorm that Mark reached out to give Jackson’s shoulder a gentle shake.

“We’re here,” Mark told Jackson. Jackson squeezed his eyes together before opening them in a daze. 

“Home?”

“Home.”

“Good. That’s good,” Jackson murmured, stretching a little before he jumped out of the van with Mark in his wake. Together with the members, they took the lift, got to their dorm and without further ado, wished each other good night and headed to their rooms. 

Before Jackson slept though, he called out to Mark in the darkness. 

“Hey, Mark?”

“Yea?”

“Wake me up when you wanna go get breakfast, alright? Just in case I’m not up yet.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s go to that café we found the other day, the one with really good coffee. We said we’d go back, you know, we promised the owner.”

“Yeah, sounds fine.”

“Yay,” Jackson cheered in a muffled yawn. “Night, Mark.”

“Night, Jackson.”

And so, accompanied by Jackson’s snoring, Mark fell asleep. Home it was, especially when Jackson was with him.


	3. Chapter 3

“Okay, so how was everyone’s week?” JB asked as a sign that their weekly get-together-talk-everything-out session was to start. At least, they tried to do it weekly as long as time permitted. All the Got7 members had agreed that having these sessions often was healthy for the group dynamic so there they were, some slouched lazily on the couch while others sat on the floor in the living room. Of course, during these sessions, Coco was put in her pen otherwise Youngjae would be too distracted to focus. JB had put his foot down about this and no matter how Youngjae whined, JB didn’t give in. He knew Youngjae all too well. 

At JB’s question, there were just murmurs and non-committal nods from the guys in general. 

“Fine, I’ll start first. I was thinking about our upcoming performance in KCON LA and – ” JB was cut off by the younger members who got excited just by the mention of the event.

“WOO HOO! KCON! LA!” Yugyeom and Bambam cheered enthusiastically. Mark cracked a smile too. He was truly excited to be able to go back to LA again so quickly after they had had their USA fanmeets just a few months back. He hadn’t counted on being to fly back so often. In fact, he knew many other international idols never got to go home that much at all, let alone within their first couple of years after debut. They had had so much fun the last time they were in LA, Mark couldn’t wait to pick up where they left off.

“Yah,” chided JB at the maknae line, “listen.”

“Yes, leader-NIM,” they replied and settled down again. 

“So, I was thinking we should put in extra practice cause we just got the stage design. Jinyoung especially. Should we change our positioning?” 

So the discussion went on for a while before it was someone else’s turn to talk about their week. This time, it was Jinyoung. 

“I’m, well, I’m filming a CF next week,” said Jinyoung half bashfully. He did not intend to boast – far from it really. He just wanted to share his joy at having landed a gig in an area he was longing to explore and develop. He was fascinated by acting and the guys knew it.

“Congrats!” cried his members who jumped up to bury him under a pile of stacked bodies and tangled limbs for in trying to hug him, they’d only succeeded in knocking him over and he now lay flat on the floor, squashed by the love his members were showing him. 

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?!” asked Jackson who was the last to release his hold of Jinyoung. In fact, Jackson still held Jinyoung in a tight backhug with an enormous grin on his face. Jackson was truly truly happy for Jinyoung. Something the two of them shared was their constant drive to do better and improve themselves. They acknowledged no limits and always wanted to do more, pushing themselves to their fullest potential. Of course, it wasn’t without stress and slumps, which was why they were somehow brought together in this. They recognised this trait that they shared and in so doing, could support one another in a special way because they truly understood. 

“Didn’t wanna say anything until it was confirmed,” Jinyoung replied, only half-heartedly trying to wiggle out of Jackson’s grasp. 

“Told ya you could do it! Told ya!” cheered Jackson right into Jinyoung’s ear which earned him a slap on the shoulder from JB and Mark. 

“Let him go or he’d suffocate,” JB quipped while Mark just kept quiet as usual.

“As if, hyung, the last thing I’d ever do is hurt Jinyoung,” retorted Jackson though he did release Jinyoung after a final hug and a sly peck on the cheek which Jinyoung evaded and shuffled over to an empty space around the group. 

They took turns and when it was Jackson’s turn to talk, he just rambled about some filming and an interview that he had done during the week but he kept quiet about his upcoming schedule. He had just known about it a couple of hours earlier and man, he wasn’t happy. Usually, he told the guys everything he knew but this time, it was different. This was one thing he didn’t want to talk about to his members just yet. He had to talk to Mark about it first. 

As Jackson was talking about his week though, Mark had already noticed that Jackson was avoiding his gaze. Usually when he looked at Jackson, Jackson would look right back at him, often breaking into either a happy smile or a silly face. This time, though, things were different. ‘That’s odd,’ thought Mark to himself as he half-listened to Jackson because he was more intent on reading Jackson’s body language. 

Initially all his misgivings and worries about things having changed between them had disappeared after the Naver broadcast. Things had seemed like they were back to normal. Jackson was around most of the time and Mark no longer felt that Jackson was avoiding him. But right then, judging from Jackson’s behaviour…

‘Something’s up,’ thought Mark and unlike his previous doubts, this time he resolved to ask Jackson about it. He didn’t want things to return even remotely to the time when he thought Jackson was intentionally avoiding him. Until now Mark never knew if he had been overthinking stuff but since things had gone back to normal, he just let it be. 

Looks like things were starting to get strange again and Mark wasn’t about to let it happen. Not this time. 

True enough, when the meeting was over and everyone had gone back to their own rooms, Mark noticed Jackson was still trying to avoid eye contact. 

“Hey,” Mark called to Jackson who was rummaging in his snapback drawer, his back pointedly facing Mark.

Jackson didn’t answer. Maybe Jackson hadn’t heard, though Mark doubted it. 

“Hey,” Mark called louder and this time, Jackson couldn’t ignore him.

“Yea?” Jackson asked but the slightly higher tone of his voice signalled to Mark that Jackson did certainly hear him the first time and was trying to avoid conversation. 

“What’s up?” Mark asked conversationally as he sat down on Jackson’s bed after pushing the large puppy-face soft toy out of the way. It was easy for Mark to keep his tone neutral, it was just his way of speaking.

Jackson’s hands that were busy flipping through the snapbacks paused for a split second before resuming. “Nothing.”

Mark frowned a little, not that Jackson saw it. It was obvious now to Mark that Jackson was just pretending. 

“Jackson,” said Mark, his tone indicating he was serious in asking the question and wasn’t about to take ‘nothing’ as an answer. 

“Right, I’ll wear this one tomorrow. I haven’t worn this one yet. Gotta wear every single one fans gave to me at least once. Not that we’re going anywhere tomor-” 

“Jackson-” Mark cut in with a louder tone, effectively stopping Jackson’s ramble which was obviously just a cover. “Look at me.”

With his back still towards Mark, Jackson bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut. There wasn’t any other way to go about this. He’d have to tell Mark some time and the sooner the better. Mark and the guys were going to find out anyways and he was the one who had asked their manager to let him break the news to his members first, especially to Mark. 

Jackson took a deep breath, resolved to just spill it. He turned to face Mark but just the sight of Mark’s stern and slightly confused expression caused all the determination he had to disappear. Jackson found his throat dry and he literally couldn’t say a word. He just gulped and after a second, averted his eyes again, this time fixing them on the mess of boxes and clothes that lay in a corner.

Mark knew something was definitely bothering Jackson and he’d drag it out of him if it’s the last thing he ever did. 

“Talk,” Mark prompted. 

“It’s…” Jackson started to say before his eyes flicked back to Mark and he lost his words again. Of all the guys, he knew the news he had to relay was going to affect Mark the most. 

Jackson flopped down unto the floor with a sigh and folded his legs under him, his face buried in the palms of his hands. He had to tell Mark. He owed it to him. Maybe it was better to break the news gently. 

Mark wondered at why Jackson was acting this way. It was clear that it was something big - big enough to make Jackson so hesitant. He started to feel a little anxious. What was it?

Jackson looked up at Mark, his best friend, someone he considered a brother for life. And that was the whole problem. Of all the people in the world, he did not want to disappoint Mark and yet, here he was, with news on the tip of his tongue that he knew would make Mark upset. But maybe, maybe he was overthinking it. Maybe Mark wouldn’t be upset at all. But still… perhaps the slow approach was best.

“So uh, next month…” Jackson started to say, not really looking at Mark.

“What about next month?” asked Mark.

“It’s uh, it’s super busy right?” 

“Yea,” Mark answered a little hesitantly. Where was Jackson going with this?

“Well,” Jackson gulped, “turns out it’s busier than we thought with the comeback and all and-”

“Seriously man, just spit it out.”

“I want to,” blurted Jackson, “but I don’t want you to get upset.”

“Why would I get upset?”

“Because,” Jackson hesitated for a while before squeezing his eyes shut, “because-I-can’t-go-to-Kcon,” finished Jackson in a rush. His whole body tensed, every muscle tight with fists balled on his knees, waiting for Mark’s reaction. Jackson waited for a few seconds during which he didn’t hear anything at all. Why hadn’t Mark said a word? Maybe, could it be that it didn’t bother Mark at all? Was Mark waiting to laugh at how silly Jackson had been thinking that he’d get upset? Despite himself, Jackson slowly opened an eye to see what Mark was doing. ‘Whew,’ realised Jackson in relief, Mark was just sitting there on his bed. 

“Why?” asked Mark after he saw Jackson finally opened his eyes after a long silence. This time, however, Mark’s eyes were the ones averted. When he had heard Jackson say he wasn’t going to Kcon, the hand that had just been twiddling with the edges of one of Jackson’s gotoon cushions had frozen. What was that? Not going? Why not? Why? After all the months of planning looking forward to Kcon? After all the promises and jokes between Jackson and Mark’s friends? How about the promises Jackson had made to Mark’s nieces and family? They’d been talking about it for months! After all the - WHY THE HELL WASN’T JACKSON GOING?

All the questions tumbled over one after another in Mark’s head but he had said nothing. He couldn’t. There must be some explanation, there had to be. So he asked Jackson ‘why’. It was just one word but Mark was painfully aware that Jackson had no idea how much it took to for Mark control his voice right then and there just to ask one question. 

Jackson, blissfully unaware of Mark’s inward turmoil because he was just so relieved that Mark hadn’t yelled at him or worse, stormed out of the room, that he answered Mark’s question quite readily. 

“You know that show, Law of the Jungle? That show on Friday nights? The PD asked for me cause it’s going to be an athlete special! And I’m going off to the jungle for about four days! Four! I’ve always wanted to do something like that, and this time, it’s like a tropical jungle and stuff. I’m not really sure who else is going but there’ll definitely be-”

“A-another show?” muttered Mark, hardly able to believe what Jackson was saying.

Jackson, who had been in the midst of telling Mark what he hoped to experience, stopped cause he hadn’t really heard what Mark said. “Huh? Whadya say?”

Mark looked at Jackson with disbelief in his eyes. “Another show?” Mark repeated but this time, there was a harsh note in his voice and it was something Jackson picked up on quickly.

Jackson had been dreading this. Looks like his worries about Mark getting upset had not been unfounded after all. “Yeah. Sorry, Mark. It’s just, it’s a good show and the PD promised-”

“You’re ditching Kcon for a show?”

“It’s not just a show, it’s-”

“What about all the practice? The choreo? The hours we’ve been-”

“I know, Mark, I know. And I’m sorry about that too but I had to make a choice and I-”

“You made the choice?” Mark’s voice was getting louder but he did nothing to supress it. 

Jackson kicked himself for being so careless with his words. He had to explain, he had to get Mark to understand. “Yeah, they left it up to me, I mean, the company told me to think about it and choose which one I’d-”

“And you chose a show?” asked Mark, his tone incredulous as he tried to get his head around Jackson wilfully and deliberately ditching him and the guys at Kcon.

“It’s not just a show, it’s popular and a lot of people watch it-” but Jackson was cut off mid-explanation because Mark had stood up. With one step, Mark’s hand was already on the doorknob.

“Wait, Mark, I need to expla-” Jackson tried again, this time also getting to his feet.

“You don’t have to explain,” Mark replied with his back to Jackson. He didn’t speak loudly but he knew Jackson could hear him. He had been so looking forward to going back to LA with his team, it was the excited anticipation of it that he kept falling back on when he had time to let his mind wander. It was all planned, it was all good but now – 

“Mark, come on, man, just listen, will ya?” pleaded Jackson, his anxiety doubled because he knew Mark couldn’t bear to turn around and look at him.

Gritting his teeth, Mark bit back the anger that was surging. Maybe it wasn’t anger, maybe it was disappointment? But was it just because of this, just because Jackson couldn’t go to KCON? Or was it a culmination of the many doubts and supressed worries Mark had tried to hide? 

“Your choice,” Mark said, his voice lower than usual. “Live with it.”

With that, Mark yanked the door open and slammed it hard behind him. He’d just sleep on the couch in the living room if he had to. Really, he had had enough. How could Jackson make such a decision? All this while Mark had thought that Jackson was selfless. Jackson always put the team first – or was that past tense right now. Was he changing? Had Jackson changed? Did all the popularity get to him? Mark just didn’t know anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

Jackson watched the door slam shut and unlike himself, was frozen on the spot. He and Mark had fought before, many times while they were trainees in fact, but there was no mistaking the tone in Mark’s voice this time – Mark was more than angry. Worse of all, Jackson could tell that Mark was hurt. 

Blinking, Jackson tried to gather himself – he had to do something, he had to say something but… but what? 

The torn feelings he had first experienced when he was asked to choose between KCon and Law of the Jungle resurfaced and he wondered why in the world had he chosen the latter?! Seriously, didn’t being with the guys mean the most to him? Wasn’t practising and performing their hearts out on stage all that mattered? To stand panting after they finish their routine, smile at each other as they enjoyed the moment, to receive applause from their fans and the general audience – wasn’t that why he was doing this in the first place? 

That was essentially what he loved, why he had persevered through his training, through the doubts of whether or not he’d ever be able to debut. He had wanted to sing, dance and make music and to be able to do it with guys he considered family was very precious to him.

What possessed him to choose, as Mark had said, to choose a show over his group?!

As Jackson chewed on his lower lip, he remembered why – it was because he loved his group that he had to give up on KCon. 

He knew that under the happy smiles and laughs, there was a niggling feeling of desperation. They needed to make a name for themselves in Korea. As much as they’ve gotten positive attention, it wasn’t enough. For the survival of their group and their future, they had to get their name out there and this was where Jackson thought he could contribute. 

He was not the most handsome. He was not the best singer. He was not the best rapper. Heck, he was arguably not even the best dancer. What he did have was wit and an outgoing personality and if that was his only strength, by God, he’d make sure to squeeze every last ounce of it to make sure people knew about Got7 – about his beloved brothers. 

So that was why he chose the show – that was why… 

Jackson gulped as the reality of standing alone in the room he shared with Mark hit him – was it going to be like this? Was – was Mark never going to have anything to do with him ever again? 

Screw the doom and gloom, Jackson decided. He’d make Mark understand. 

Clenching his jaw, he wrenched open the door and walked right into JB who was just outside, his right hand raised as if to knock. 

“Hyung-what the-” Jackson stammered in surprise. He had been so riled up to talk to Mark, yell if he had to, that seeing JB so unexpectedly disconcerted him.

“We need to talk,” JB said, a serious look on his face before he turned around to go back to the living room. Jackson followed, remembering that he hadn’t told the other guys yet. 

True enough, all the guys were there waiting while Mark was slumped on the couch with his back turned towards the group. They had heard raised voices and a slammed door so had come out to check what was going on.

“What is this about Kcon?” JB asked.

Taking a deep breath and feeling increasingly guilty, Jackson told the guys how he had received the guest appearance offer and that the company had left it to him to choose. 

“It’ll air the whole of September, like every week, so it’ll help, won’t it? More people watch it, right? Which means more people might find out about us? And if they use our song in the show, won’t it be a good thing?” Jackson asked, his eyes wandering from member to member, finally coming to rest on Mark’s hunched back. The sight of Mark deliberately ignoring him hurt more than he could bring himself to admit. 

“I’m really not doing this for myself, you know, really!” Jackson felt almost like he was pleading with the guys to understand, especially Mark. His eyes flicked once in a while to the rest but he always looked back at his roommate, wishing that he’d turn around, to at least acknowledge that he was listening. Mark’s words to him – ‘live with it’ – kept replaying in his mind. 

“I swear! It never crossed my mind even in the slightest, most remote-”

It was Jinyoung who stopped the string of explanations by clamping his hand over Jackson’s mouth. “We know, Jackson, we know.”

Jackson pulled Jinyoung’s hand away. He was desperate that the guys understand that he wanted ever so much to go to Kcon but things turned out this way with crappy timing. “Really! I’ll never put myself before the team, you know that, right? You believe me?”

“Jackson-ah, I trust you more than you trust yourself, so shut up already,” Jinyoung said with a small chuckle, the sweet crinkles around his eyes beginning to show. “As if we wouldn’t know you’d come with us to Kcon if you can.”

The others murmured in agreement, nodding though slightly downcast by the news. 

“I’m sorry, guys, I really am. I-” 

This time though, his explanation was cut off by JB who had given him a sharp slap on his shoulder and then a tight squeeze. “It’ll be fine,” JB reassured Jackson but soon added with a teasing note, “But you’re going to have to make up for the extra practice we’re going to have to do. All the work we’re going to have to put in.”

“I will, hyung, I will! I’ll make it up to you guys, promise!” said Jackson with relief that the guys were taking the news well.

“You’d have to be careful though, hyung,” added Yugyeom, “there are tons of dangerous animals in the jungle.”

“Yeah,” said Youngjae, “like snakes and spiders.” Youngjae was already beginning to picture Jackson’s reactions to all the insects and it could only make him laugh especially since Jackson was even afraid of cockroaches. 

“Ey ~ you have a double snake right here in the dorm. Jackson hyung’s used to snakes now,” joked Bambam which was, unfortunately, met with heavy silence.

“Not very funny, Bambam,” commented Jinyoung.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom agreed. “Try harder next time.”

“Aw ~ every time I try, you don’t laugh!”

“If it’s not funny, we don’t laugh,” stated Youngjae in a matter-of-fact tone which ironically brought more laughter from the guys.

Mark, on the other hand, was still hunched over on the couch not really looking at them. 

Jackson’s face that had begun to light up now that the guys knew, understood and accepted his absence from KCon, fell again as he looked at Mark. 

JB caught sight of this and the other guys also noticed, Mark wasn’t happy. 

“Let’s sleep. We have a fanmeet tomorrow,” JB announced, slightly pushing everyone back to the general direction of their rooms. With Jackson though, JB gave the ever slightest inclination of his head towards Mark’s direction and Jackson understood that JB wanted them to sort it out between themselves. Jackson nodded glumly but resolutely in return. He was not going to bed without making things right with Mark. 

Before Jinyoung headed off, he too gave Jackson’s shoulder a squeeze. “Talk slowly,” he advised because he knew that Jackson was likely to run off with his train of thought and might not give the other party enough time to respond. 

“Yeah,” Jackson said with a small smile, glad that the guys were giving him space. His heart was lighter now that his group members understood but it was by no means at peace.

The guys had all left, JB giving Jackson another serious nod to which Jackson responded with his trademark Squirtle smile. 

He shuffled up behind Mark, getting within two feet from him and stood there for a few seconds, debating what to say. 

Without a word, Mark suddenly got up and headed back to their room which Jackson took as an indication that they’d talk there. 

Jackson closed the door softly behind him and turned to face Mark who had sat down on the floor, still not looking at his roommate. 

Truth be told, Mark was actually embarrassed. He was generally passive in nature and though he had moments when he lashed out in anger, they were few and far between now. And of all things, he had lost it on Jackson for something like missing KCon. Well, truth be told, Mark was disappointed, and even a bit angry that Jackson’s promises to his friends and family were now empty words. All the cooing and teasing that had gone on between Jackson and his family back in LA had made them very much look forward to being able to meet in person. Looks like it wasn’t possible anymore. Still, this really wasn’t the last time they’d be going to LA. It wasn’t as if Jackson was never going to meet his family again ever – there will be chances in future. 

What embarrassed Mark most was that for an instant, he had overlooked how much Jackson cared for Got7. All his suppressed doubts about Jackson distancing himself from Mark had surfaced and basically blew up as if it had been a timebomb just ticking away. He thought he had gotten over it… 

Guess not. 

‘Live with it’? Why had he said that? Was it some kind of petty revenge against Jackson for all the times Mark had felt ignored or isolated? Had he just been waiting for a reason to blow and missing KCon just happened to provide a convenient though not very appropriate outlet?

Listening to Jackson trying so desperately to plead with the guys made Mark feel worse. Mark guessed that Jackson would probably not be so distraught had he not blown up at Jackson. Of course Jackson worked for his team – it was just… well…

The team – number 1 always in Jackson’s mind. But… a small worried voice finally expressing the reason for Mark’s blow up – but what about him? Who was he to Jackson anymore… he didn’t know the answer but he couldn’t bring himself to speak about it.

And yeah, Jackson standing in front of him with an absolutely guilty and scared look on his face as if he were a young boy awaiting punishment didn’t do anything to help the situation. 

How was he to make things right? Mark already had enough trouble with words, this seemed beyond him. Glancing up at Jackson, he motioned with a small wave of his hand for Jackson to sit.

Jackson saw the gesture and gladly sat down cross-legged in front of Mark, absolutely encouraged that Mark was willing to ‘talk’.

“Listen, Mark,” Jackson began to say. Though he had been endlessly worried and at a loss about how to approach the matter, the words just came tumbling out. “I’m really really sorry, man. I really am. I want to meet your family again, you know that right? Heck, I’d love to hang out with your friends and all but this time, the timing is just shit. It’s really only this time that it’s an athlete special – if I don’t go, who knows when the other invite would be or if I’d ever get another one? PD’s aren’t that understanding and some hold grudges so really, thinking also about the month we stop promoting ‘Just Right’, it’d be important to have some exposure, right?”

Jackson had said all that with barely a pause in between, so desperate was he to explain his reasons. He waited for Mark’s response – Mark had to respond. 

After a second, Mark nodded once and that small nod was like a beam of light breaking through dark skies to Jackson. Of course Mark would understand, he’d never been petty and Jackson thought that he was the one who had just been unaware of how much KCon and LA meant to Mark. Now he knew better and resolved to remember it in future. 

Jackson reached out and placed his right hand on Mark’s knee and waited until Mark finally looked him eye to eye.

“Hey man, thanks for understanding. Really,” Jackson said with a glad smile. “It means a lot to me. A LOT!” Jackson emphasized before breaking into a huge grin and gave Mark’s knee a tight squeeze.

Seeing Jackson’s earnestness finally loosened the chains on Mark’s tongue. He just couldn’t let the conversation end with Jackson thinking it was really only about a concert. Not when it was about something more – something much more important.

“It’s not Kcon,” Mark told Jackson before biting his lip. 

“Huh?” 

Mark’s gaze dropped to Jackson’s hand on his knee – the rough calloused hand that had been extended to him time and time again. He wanted to ask Jackson about their friendship – or was it still friendship – he wanted to ask Jackson what was going on between them but… the words wouldn’t come. Nothing seemed suitable or able to express the complex knot of feelings Mark had harboured all this while. 

“What is it?” asked Jackson, his tone gentler and most attentive. His hand had still not left Mark’s knee.

Mark glanced up again and saw Jackson’s slight frown, his big eyes filled with questions and concern. Dropping his gaze again, Mark murmured, “It’s me.”

“You?” asked Jackson in surprise. Anyone else would have had trouble hearing Mark’s sometimes garbled murmurs but Jackson had had years of practice. 

“Yeah.”

“O.. kay,” answered Jackson hesitantly. “Why? What’s wrong?”

Looking at Jackson again, Mark couldn’t help but marvel at how moments ago, Jackson had looked scared to death but now was looking at him as if Jackson were ready to listen to his every burden and worry. 

Jackson knew that Mark needed time, so he waited, scooting closer so that they were only a foot apart, seated cross-legged facing each other. 

The warmth from Jackson’s palm on his knee grew. Mark knew it was a sign of encouragement to talk and that Jackson would wait. It was obvious now that Jackson cared deeply about him – still did. All his worries must surely be fragments of his own imagination, right? The embarrassment that he had most probably misunderstood Jackson was starting to creep in again.

“It’s nothing,” Mark said in an attempt to be dismissive, placing his right hand on Jackson’s for a moment to give it a small squeeze as a sign that the talk was done because talking about his insecurities just seemed impossible.

“Na-ah,” said Jackson quickly, clamping his other hand on Mark’s so that Mark’s right hand was sandwiched between his. “Talk. Something’s bothering you. Tell me.” 

The sincerity in Jackson’s eyes made Mark go red. Will Jackson quit it? All he was doing was making Mark feel even more like a jerk.

“Seriously, man, it’s nothing.”

“Mark, I’ve known you long enough that this isn’t nothing. What’s up?”

The sentence ‘I’ve known you long enough’ was so apt for each other. That’s true – they’ve known each other for a long time, long enough that they could usually read each other’s mood merely by their expressions, tone or body language but maybe they were reading too much…

“It’s – it’s just stupid,” Mark offered, wondering if he could bring himself to admit how worried he had been. The thing is, Mark was aware at the back of his mind that if these doubts about their friendship weren’t cleared up, they could grow and poison his mind again – just like how he had snapped at Jackson without actual reason. That’s why he didn’t really want the conversation to end but neither could he bring it up.

Jackson read Mark’s hesitation, from the flickering eyes, the nervous lip bites and the slightest facial muscle twitch. 

“Nothing’s stupid,” stated Jackson, giving Mark’s right hand another tight squeeze. 

Mark knew Jackson was right. Nothing’s stupid – not to Jackson. Even though others might laugh and think Mark foolish, Jackson’d never think that. Plus, it wasn’t as if Mark was totally in the wrong, Jackson’s behaviour had changed a bit though it was becoming clearer now that Jackson’s heart never really did. 

“It’s,” Mark started to say before pausing for a good long five seconds, “you changed.”

“Changed?” repeated Jackson in a squeak. Mark’s answer had completely thrown him. 

The squeak made Mark smile and broke a little of the tension he was feeling. 

“I mean, like,” gulped Mark before finally admitting it, “you were ignoring me.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Mark felt like he wanted to run out of the room! What was this?! Why was he confessing and admitting his worries like a young kid in kindergarden?! It sounded so childish!

“Ig- ignoring you?” Jackson asked to check if he had heard Mark right. “Me? Ignoring you?”

Mark nodded in a very reluctant way because he really was inwardly cringing in embarrassment. ‘Bury me now!’ Mark screamed to himself.

JB who had yet to fall asleep because he was worried about whether Jackson and Mark would be able to sort things out, heard the burst of Jackson’s hyena laugh and grinned to himself in the darkness. Yeap, things were settled.

Back in Mark and Jackson’s room, Jackson had finally released his grip on Mark’s right hand because he needed to squeeze his own abdomen as he laughed his head off. All the worries – all the – THIS WAS HILARIOUS!

Poor Mark though, Jackson’s laughter made him go even redder but he knew that Jackson wasn’t laughing at Mark, he was laughing at the situation. 

“M-Mark,” gasped Jackson in between bouts of laughter. “Y-you”, in the midst of laughing, he had gotten to his knees, leaned over and gave Mark a bear hug, squeezing Mark against his own body with all his might. 

It took a while before the laughter died down and Jackson wheezed as he tried to catch his breath. He finally released Mark and wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. 

“I wasn’t ignoring you,” Jackson gasped, sitting down again, his shoulders utterly relaxed as he massaged his aching jaw. “Honest. I wasn’t.”

“T-then why did you stop telling me stuff? Why’d you always wander off? Why’d you spend all your time with the other guys?” asked Mark, pulling up all the instances that had planted and nurtured the seed of doubt in him. It was easier to keep talking now that they started.

“I was trying to give you space, really,” Jackson said, calmer and exhausted from his laughing fit. “Like, I know I’m noisy and thought it fun to annoy you. It was one interview though, that made me realise that maybe I am troubling you, maybe you want time alone and…”

Jackson paused, gulped and said in a sheepish manner that reflected Mark’s own previous reluctance, “I thought you didn’t want me around much anymore.” 

Mark opened his mouth to retort but Jackson was quicker. “Not in a bad way, I mean, we’re still friends and stuff but, I got the impression that you – you prefer spending time with others and I wasn’t letting you do that,” Jackson explained, “So I backed off.”

“Why’d you think that?” asked Mark, who was beginning to see the humour of the situation where both of them had misunderstandings of each other’s wishes.

“Well – it was small things like, um,” Jackson mused, stalling for time so that he could pinpoint exact examples but realised he couldn’t. “It was a general thing I guess. Mostly your face though – that told me a lot. Like you were bored, annoyed, not wanting to talk or mess around with me but then the next moment, you’d be messing about with Jinyoung or something. So I guess I took it as a sign to ease off.” 

Jackson gave a wry laugh and shrugged, “I was learning to be quiet and to respect your space. Or at least I tried to. Didn’t work very well though. I couldn’t help myself sometimes, like… what I’m trying to say is… I mean,” confessed Jackson. It was Jackson’s turn for his face to flush because these were thoughts that had weighed on his mind too.

“I’m most comfortable with you, that’s all.” 

Mark studied Jackson’s crestfallen expression and saw the same insecurities and doubts he had etched on Jackson’s face. 

“Same here, Jackson, always was and always have been,” Mark replied with a smile as he tilted his head, not the kind of smile he turned on for fans at times but a sincere smile for a close, close brother whom he treasured. 

“You mean that?” asked Jackson, joy resounding in every syllable.

“Yeah, I do.”

They sat there, simply smiling at each other for a few moments. It was like they had braved a storm that threatened to separate them, where they were blinded by the wind and rain of doubt and worries, but had survived by finding each other again. It might have been a misunderstanding, a long misunderstanding, but it only emphasized even more that they were each other’s lifeline, thrown together by fate but bound by a bond of brotherhood. 

“MARKIE-POO!” screamed Jackson before he pounced on his roommate, pushing him to the floor, and proceeded to pretend to try and kiss Mark. Mark yelled in response and the playful tussle would have continued had it not been for JB who abruptly entered their room. 

 

“Will you SLEEP?” hissed JB, his eyes narrowed in a leader’s glare. “I’m really glad you guys made up. Ecstatic really. But it’s early in the morning, we’ve got a full day tomorrow AND the owners downstairs might complain AGAIN.”

“Sorry, hyung,” said Jackson below his breath though his grin never left. He had completely forgotten everything except the happiness that he felt knowing that Mark did not think him troublesome, that Mark had never thought so, that he was still special to Mark. 

“Hmph,” huffed JB but just before he closed the door, he gave Jackson a nod of approval. 

Left alone again, Jackson was still basking in the new euphoria he felt, a feeling that Mark certainly shared as well.

“Markson,” said Jackson, taking Mark’s hand and pulling him close.

“Forever,” replied Mark, not only bumping their shoulders and giving Jackson a brief but firm hug as well. 

They knew it was probably not an end to misunderstanding but whatever it was, they’d find their way again – together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! thank you for reading through the LONG final chapter - it took longer than i expected. :)
> 
> this story basically started because i love their brotherhood and feel there is something pure about them just being really close friends. 
> 
> please do feel free to comment, even ideas of what Markson fic to write next.
> 
> hope you enjoyed these 4 chapters :D
> 
> P/S written in honour of two fellow Markson lovers who inspired and motivated me to write this - Julie, Holly - this is for you!


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